Yes, I’ve heard that Disney bought Marvel. No, I have not yet killed myself. This image is one I found at Slashfilm.com and I kind of love it.
Look, I know how it sounds. When news came down that Marvel got bought by Disney, it was subsequently repeated by every human alive in every medium in a tone that began to sound more and more like keening at an Irish wake. There were the five stages of grief as the day wore on: Denial - “No way, Marvel is worth way more than $4 billion. What kind of price do you put on giving a prepubescent nerd his first chubby with the Invisible Woman’s latest costume redesign?” Anger - “If they touch (insert character you care about who has probably already had terrible writing before…like the time they made the Punisher turn into a supernatural demon hunter) I will make Mickey eat Donald and make Minnie watch.” Bargaining - “Maybe we can convince them to just take certain characters…like Quasar. Who gives a shit about Quasar?” Depression - “Eff this. I’m going to ditch comics forever and do something more productive with my time and money.” Acceptance - “Yeah, right, like I have the charisma points to do that. I’ll just keep reading comics, going to the movies, and playing the video games like nothing ever happened.” That last one is probably the closest to the truth. Are there going to be stupid tie-ins? Yep. Have you seen what Marvel has done on it’s own? I read a comic called “The Pet Avengers” last week. Someone tell me how that’s any different from the jokes people are making. The model is obviously the one that Disney has struck with Pixar (and, by the way, John Lasseter has already mentioned that Pixar is reaching out to Marvel, so if that alone doesn’t justify this whole idea in your brain…NOBODY has been a better creative studio movie-wise than Pixar, so deep breath). Disney wants what Marvel offers: boys. See, as it turns out, only about 2-5% of males want to watch a Zac Effron movie at any age. They saw a chance to get in on what is a booming, lucrative market that shows no sign of stopping and are likely to just back it with some more budget and count the cash. It’s a good plan. I’m not saying I’m a big fan or that someone somewhere won’t screw the pooch (sorry, Pluto), but for now I’m holding judgment. Who knows, maybe we barely notice anything other than the stupid castle in front of our comic movies.
Okay, now on to what you’ve been waiting for. Here are my favorite tweet-jokes about the merger with the caveat that we’re done with this now. Twelve to fourteen hours of jokes like this is enough, thanks.
They are all from Brian Lynch, who you should follow on twitter if you don’t because of reasons like the following: Raven-Symone spotted on Melrose, dying hair white + asking her agent for phone #’s of people that can teach her to control the weather. Least popular new ride at Disney: PROFESSOR X’S WILD RIDE. Least popular character change: Galactus, Devourer of Cookies. Donald Duck and Howard the Duck just met at Chateau Marmont to work some shit out. Ghost Rider: No longer a skull with flames. Now Angela Lansbury with cotton candy hair. Daredevil? Can’t see. Daredevil? Can dance! Only thing stronger than adamantium? Love. See, it’s all going to be okay.
permalink
Angel from the X-Men. Wings on guys will never stop being hot.
via rhml.lib.mo.us
permalink
“I never know what to drink with soup, since soup is so much like a drink already.” Too true, Dr. Strange. Too true.
Marvel’s Strange Tales , Dr. Strange vs. Nightmare by Dash Shaw
permalink
permalink
Marvel Studios turns Norse god black.
“The relentless attack on European heritage has been expanded to mythology. Hollywood isn’t just re-writing recent history, they want to re-write European mythology and folklore with a left-wing multi-cultural slant.
Last week we brought you the story of how radical left-wing groups are demanding that the new Lord of the Rings prequel, a series based on northern European mythology, add non-whites to the cast.
This week Marvel Studios, a company already known for pushing left-wing ideology in its movies, released its trailer for Thor. The movie re-writes German mythology with a multi-cultural slant. The God Heimdall is played by a black man. An extra Chinese character is added to the pantheon for good measure as well.
Can you imagine the outrage if the same multi-cultural makeover was applied to other races?”
via cofcc.org
“Can you imagine…” YES, YES I CAN. Hollywood whitewashes “ethnic” characters ALL THE TIME. This article, argument and blind-eyed hypocrisy has become characteristic of those who call themselves conservative. They complain about the “nanny state” when local governments try to encourage healthy eating by refusing to allow toys in nutritionally empty fast food or the federal government provides additional funding to a federal program (which every child who has ever purchased a school lunch benefits from) giving students access to better food. However, they are all for it when a state tries to limit what a person can and cant buy with food stamps.
Hollywood seems to think nothing of casting caucasians to play Middle Eastern (Prince of Persia) or Asian (Last Airbender) characters and the media routinely lightens people skin tone for magazine covers.
That is why Pocahontas spoke English.
And The Hulk is green! Will the erasure of white people never end???
Rouge Gets in Trouble by Kate Beaton with Bill Crabtree
This just cracked me up.
permalink
permalink
Hobo With a Shotgun (dir. Jason Eisener)
- Um, hello: HOBO with a SHOTGUN
- Yeah, Rutger Hauer! (who looks shockingly like Anthony Hopkins as he ages)
- surprising social satire
- surprising moments of sweetness
- not-surprising depraved blood fest
- some laugh out loud moments
- over-all: not bad, not great, but pretty fun
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (dir. Rupert Wyatt)
- Caesar did not need to look so human & honestly, shouldn’t have. The other apes looked much better than him.
- surprisingly good (way better than I thought it would be)
- was able to enjoying despite horrible people talking about “the monkey” around me
- Franco was just fine, but didn’t blow me away
- unsurprising social satire
- surprisingly good plot
- stands alone just fine- no need to know the other films
- a little reference heavy
- over-all: good theater flick & surprisingly good movie
Captain America (dir. Joe Johnston)
- Good film without needing a qualifier of being a good “comic” film
- Chris Evans did shockingly good job
- Tommy Lee Jones apparently only plays “Tommy Lee Jones” now
- actually managed to pull of the Red Skull, which is impressive
- CG was fantastic
- You can like this movie a lot without knowing or liking Captain America
- Period was well constructed & believable
- stay for the Avengers trailer after the credits
- over-all: really fun & great theater flick. has staying power & you can actually take your kids to see it
Tree of Life (dir. Terrence Malick)
- just beautiful
- very religiously/spiritually motivated, but I over-looked it
- more like a prayer or meditation than a plot
- despite religious overtones, a lovely watch
- ARTSY: know who you are before trying to see this
- Jessica Chastain was lovely
- Sean Penn was rather unnecessary
- over-all: gorgeous & tear-jerking, but will never watch it again
Rubber (dir. Quentin Dupieux)
- Like watching a documentary nature film about a deadly wolverine. Except that wolverine is a car tire.
- s l o w
- Do not go in without understanding whether or not you can handle absurdist film
- use of audience was wasteful & could have been greatly improved
- amusing & infrequently laugh out loud
- go in with low expectations & you’ll come out happy
- over-all: not something I’d recommend, but glad I saw it
Rango (dir. Gore Verbinski)
- very nicely animated
- voice acting was well done
- a little scattered & could have been edited down without issue
- liked the character design a lot except for Beans
- heavily referential, but not in a groan-worthy way
- fantastic cinematography
- over-all: cute & a good family watch
permalink